The Battle Within

Written By Gustav Tyron Lesa
NZ Born of Samoan descent


Who am I? What is my purpose? I have so much potential, I am greater than where I am; why does Gustav always fail? Why do people still believe in me?

All these questions, yet the answer man, who is I, has no more time, it has run out. Where do I go from here?

Lord knows I Try! More truthfully lie; yes, I do, I say I don't, especially when I run to you. The battle within begins many years ago as a youngin’ trying to be something. I thought I was good because every rappers gotta fly because how am I gon’ rap if I can’t be like the examples I'm following no need to name pretty much every rapper in the game.

It started off casual maybe a few here and there and in no time I was always so high it pretty much became my air. As I started to progress to what I thought was a slow process, it pretty much became all that I would digest, I confess. Started a relationship, I was over the moon found the love my life easily my potential wife, never would I cheat, no way would I lie, ‘til you crept back into my life and became ‘My Side Chick, WHY?

I had everything I wanted. My mind, body and soul was stimulated there was no need for me to look elsewhere, yet when it became dark I would easily choose you over what easily was the greatest thing to happen to me. So, as I lost that, yes bitch you won again, you made me lose her! So now it’s me and you my friend! Without knowing it I sign my life away. It was me and you, fuck Bonnie and Clyde you were my every day, every reason and my (not literal) but private getaway.

I lost friends. Not like they left but I chose to be by your side, couldn't even touch you so why am I such a mess for you? Give all my money to you, my time to you and in return you take me to a world that; let's now be honest was just me flying in my sitting room. I can keep going on and on we have stories for days, like even bringing up my nephew! I thought I could piss you away, but nah it was my boy and of course you were here to stay! Same day, different shit! Like that time hanging with the homies and the excuse was simple "sorry boys I gotta split" just to come home to please you bitch.

We had a good run 15 years in my life, well guess what? I've had enough and I told some smart people about you wife. Yes! I'm free I signed up not looking back, 14 days clean, I bet you not liking that. I bet you thinking don't worry "he'll be back" (Jake's voice lol) and you could be right, but for now like B said I'm doing so so so so good. This addiction thing is what's controlling me, she was just my chosen identity it's probably not her fault, I do think it was mine; but hey all in good time. So, for now it's I'm out! I'm taking ME to get help; yes, I'm to blame so for now it's FUCK YOU MARY JANE ...... See-yah.

 

GUSTAV BDS.


If you or anyone you know is battling with substance abuse of any kind, find out more about the type of support available at http://alcoholdrughelp.org.nz/ or give them a call today on 0800 787 797 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.