How Deep is Your Love?

Written by Gustav Tyron Lesa
NZ Born of Samoan descent


How deep is your love?

As I sit here and contemplate where I want to be to where I currently am and to where I came from, it baffles me why I even want to come clean. I struggle with addiction that's the first step, the second is what allows me to move up and so on and so forth.

Many nights I spent with this girl, she had me thinking I was nothing without her. I will speak of this as a "her" because it was a relationship. I felt I couldn't let her down. Dark times in my life even hard times, she was the only one I thought could comfort me and make me feel better, she made me think that with her I was normal and without her I was like everyone else which I've always tried not to be. She made me feel different.

Just like any other relationship there were times where I felt I bought so much to the table so it was time to leave and just like any other abusive relationship I was the one that came running back to her WHY? Well that's what I'm trying to discover. I pride myself on being a man that controls everything that I do, even to a point I have had close friends say things about her and just like any loyal man I would come to her defense.

Example: My own mother would casually use her to help with arthritis and to sleep better which is fine but once my mother saw how serious and over bearing I was with her she decided to kick her to the curb and advise me I could do much better. But, as cheesy as it sounds and as much cheddar as she took; I loved her.  I would visit numerous places, for numerous hours just so I could spend the night with her!

She had me chasing her around the City of Sail$ like an obsessed, over protective boyfriend. It was crazy when I think about it now. I was so in love with her, blinded by the way she could take me out of any situation for a price that I could easily find, borrow or on most occasions have. I would give her my last just for a laugh and it wasn't with anybody it literally was me and her against the world in our own world which made me feel superior.

I was the superior. I thought I had control, boy did she play me for a fool I tell yah. Again, I can go on and on like the never-ending song but change is here now so it maybe sad for her but homeboy got to move on. Yes, it was me, so again I'm the one to blame I thought I was the lion and she was my mane so enough of the complaints! I'm out I'm done so fuck you MARY JANE.

GUSTAV BDS.


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